Printable Version of Topic

Posted by: soulstorm Nov 28 2006, 09:17 PM

Hello to everyone here!

I've not been around for a very long time - I've popped by a couple of times during the months, but hadn't read any posts, let alone write any. The time has come, however, that getting back in the SH community is probably in my best interests.

Have been running rough lately. This year has been a bit of a shocker really. It never ceases to amaze me how much more I can cause shit in my life, and how bad life can get on its own terms.

I was in hospital for a few months earlier this year. I was quite severely unwell - it took two months of several-times-daily injections, several lockups in seclusion, and then a huge cocktail of new meds to bring me back from a long and dark psychosis. It was the worst one yet, and the mental health team were 'upgrading' my label to schizophrenia. Once I got out of hospital, I stopped my meds again, despite still being on a involuntary community treatment order. I actually travelled along quite well, until May when I took a massive overdose and landed myself in the Critical Care Unit for a while with respiratory arrest and heart failure. Slowly recovered from that, and once again, travelled relatively ok.

Started feeling a bit unstable again, so went to my GP to get back on meds, this time Lamictal. It worked really well for me, and I felt hope that perhaps I wasn't going to get dragged off for ECT after all. Ended up extremely unwell with whooping cough, my mental health case manager left for a different job, and I picked up drugs again. A few weeks later I was shipped off to Brisbane for an opioid detox and then up to the coast to go to drug rehab. I only lasted there a month; came back home two weeks ago with nowhere to live, no money, and no hope. That's where I'm at now. I went in with an opioid addiction, came out and have picked up drinking, wanting to hurt myself in more obvious ways, rather than just boozing, and little acts of self harm that are not obviously that. Lately though, I've been wanting to go back to cutting - I haven't cut since April. I'm trying to avoid doing it, but I know it's only a matter of time if I keep going down the self-destructing path, and boozing up and not looking after myself.

I also came 'out' - most people suspected I was gay, but I never actually informed them. Despite their assumptions already, it seems that some people didn't want to know, so I've lost a few friends over that.

Anyway, I'm sorry for such a long ramble.. I just needed to get it off my chest. I hope I can fit back in here and get support, as well as offer it to others.

Thank you muchly

Jade

P.S --> on a side note, I've had a couple more tattoos, bringing my current total to 7

Posted by: lost_little_girl Nov 28 2006, 10:19 PM

welcome back Jade,

i dont' have much advice for anyone at the moment but i do believe you'll find yourself back on the right track in time.

Seems like you've had a real rough time this year. I know it's so easy to write, but if i actually take a minute to think about all those things you've written & think about all the shit you've gone through - omg i just wanna hug you.

I'm sorry you've lost some friends over coming out - how old fashioned are they but i sure accept you as you are. i hope others on here will too.

Take care of yourself hun
Here if you need me

x

Posted by: ballet princess Nov 28 2006, 10:56 PM

omg I havent seen you around in a long time!!! I am so glad you are back.

Things sound like they are really bad for you right now and i am really sorry to hear that. There are many people on this board who love and care for you and I know this for a fact hunny!!

I have hope for you i know you can get through this. We all know you can get through this becuase you are a strong and amazing person!!!

I am here if you ever need to talk. Hang in there hunny!!

Posted by: soulstorm Nov 28 2006, 11:05 PM

Thank you for the replies.. it means a lot to me. There are so many new names on the boards now! I plan on staying though, so I'll have a chance to get to know them better.

Despite my hesitations about coming back, now that I'm here I just feel relieved.

I'm home, where people understand and care...

Posted by: sufferingstar Nov 29 2006, 02:58 AM

I definitely remember you - welcome back, and I have no hesitation about your ability to fit back in and you'll receive loads of support! I wish I actually had some advice or something to offer you right now, but I'm not in the best place myself mentally. But did just want you to know I read this and that I care and am sad to see you've been going through so many ordeals in the last while...

Posted by: ballet princess Nov 29 2006, 02:59 AM

Thank you for the replies.. it means a lot to me. There are so many new names on the boards now! I plan on staying though, so I'll have a chance to get to know them better.

Despite my hesitations about coming back, now that I'm here I just feel relieved.

I'm home, where people understand and care...

Posted by: Gods Princess Nov 29 2006, 04:09 AM

Welcome back!!! Its sounds like things are rough, but you are always welcome here To the people who left you for coming out.... they werent real friends anyways!!

im here if you need/want to talk!!!

~taryn~

Posted by: Barbe à papa Nov 29 2006, 04:15 AM

It's been a long time; I'm glad to see someone familiar around here. I'm glad, you didn't hesitate to return to seek understanding and care, Jade. Welcome back.

Posted by: DmN Nov 29 2006, 07:41 AM

murtle--
how about you never leave me again!!
send some vegemite
aaand... hanson can play at our wedding. i checked.
kbye.

ps
imissedyou

love,
bettylou.

Posted by: EJ Nov 29 2006, 07:47 AM

I don't think I know you (yet?!), but
welcome back to Safe Haven!
I'm EJ btw.

Take care!

Posted by: paperstarr Nov 29 2006, 08:45 AM

*tackles you with hugs*

It's so good to see you around again!

I wish I had something helpful or wonderful to say.

Posted by: soulstorm Nov 29 2006, 08:54 AM

Thank you all for your support! It means a lot to me, especially that you'd read my long rant lol.

Bettylou, I will definitely send you some vegemite! You'll love it
Oh, and it's great that Hanson will play at our wedding - we'll need to book the date.

Good to see you all again

Jade

Posted by: _Elly_ Nov 30 2006, 09:56 PM

how did i miss this topic?????

jade,
im sorry things arnt great right now, and im thrilled to see you



hey tash, i'll fight you for her!!