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Safe Haven _ Family and Friends _ My Closest Friend Suicided

Posted by: soulstorm Oct 7 2007, 09:30 PM

I was absolutely fucking gutted.

I think that sums it up pretty well.

Definitely made me realise how much of an impact my actions could have on the people around me.

Been through a lot of shit in this life.

This was the absolute worst. The hardest part is knowing I contributed (please, no saying I didn't cause this - I know that, he still chose to do it, but I definitely contributed to the situation) and that a little foresight could have prevented this.

Haven't had any support for my 'real life' friends. I think that's almost as hard, especially when this is the first time I've really depended on them for support.

Anyway, I think all this is a major factor as to why I'm back here after being away for so long.

Jade

Posted by: Moosetracks Oct 8 2007, 02:13 AM

I'm so sorry this happened..I really am..

But what you said was wrong..You had nothing to do with it..Nothing at all, even if he said you did, he was wrong. Because it was his own decision, and his thoughts influenced it.. You didn't do anything.

And I am sorry that you haven't gotten any support from your real life friends. We are all here to help you, all you have to do is just ask.

I'm sorry..i'm not much help..but I do hope you will be ok..feel free to PM me if you'd like..

Posted by: Mrs Dalloway Oct 8 2007, 02:28 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend - I can only imagine how something like that can affect you.

I don't think we ever talked when you were here before, but I'm glad you were able to come back here to get the support you feel you aren't getting from your friends in real life. There's little worse than not getting support when you really, really need it from people. I know how that feels.

I saw what you said about not saying that you'd caused this and, although I don't know the cirumstances, I do know that if your friend was set on this course of action then "foresight" or anything else you did wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference. So please don't be too hard on yourself, or start obsessing over all the "what ifs."

At least it's given you the insight into the impact your actions can have on the people around you. Your friend obviously hadn't considered that and probably left a lot of people, including you, hurting very much.

I guess there's really nothing I, or anyone else, can say to make it any better right now. But I care, and I'm here if you want to talk to anyone.

Posted by: soulstorm Oct 8 2007, 08:53 AM

Thanks, to both of you...

There was a huge lead up to what happened, and I'm not saying it's my fault he did it - I know he chose to, and probably would have done it regardless of circumstance - but I didn't help.

It was a bit of a messy situation really.

Even though I haven't been active on the boards for so long, I was here for so long that I do feel (fairly) comfortable coming back. The thought did cross my mind that I shouldn't bother you guys, but hell... so here I am.

Thanks for the support though. It's been a really hard time, and somedays I think he had the right idea, but then I think about how much it devastated me. Even though I've had little support in real life, I know that my death would still impact someone. Just that one person feeling the way I did is enough to make me backtrack those thoughts a bit.

P.S - I don't have anyone particular in mind - I just mean there will always be at least one person affected.

I'm enjoying being back here - for many years, this place was home - once again, I find myself settling in once again.

Jade

Posted by: fearlessgal22 Oct 18 2007, 05:41 AM

I am truly sorry to hear about your friend. If you need support I am here

Posted by: D.J. Oct 20 2007, 03:23 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened, but I don't think you can place any of the blame on yourself. I don't know the situation, but suicide is a very selfish action. When your friend made that decision it was on them. I know that's no consolation, but please don't blame yourself for this. That's the worst thing that you can do. I've probably contributed to my cousin's self injuring, but that doesn't mean it's my fault. I used to blame myself and I held myself down for soooo long. If nothing else just try not to blame yourself for any of this. That's the worst thing that you can put on top of all of the other things you're going through in your life. If you need anything feel free to PM me.

Posted by: Equinox Oct 29 2007, 03:20 PM

I lost a very close friend to suicide a few years ago too, so my heart goes out to you. I totally know what you mean when you say that you may have contributed to the death, too, actually. I had, and sometimes continue to have, the worst survivor guilt as a result, thinking that there were things I could have said or done to prevent what happened. Things I should have kept to myself. Stuff that I should have been more careful about. So as much as it is very much beating a dead horse to say this, it's not your fault. I firmly believe that there wasn't anything you could have done to change your friend's mind. People who commit suicide, as opposed to those who constantly threaten to, are inherently different, and once a person has elected that path, seldom is there any turning from it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this rough time. I know what this is like, and it's not a good feeling.