S.O.U.L.S.T.O.R.M
ramblings
Sometimes life hurts so much that you can’t possibly go on. You almost forget what happens after. Your mind gets so cluttered and clouded. You just can’t think straight anymore. Sometimes your heart feels so heavy that it seems like such a difficult task to let it continue to beat. Its sorrow to be alone no matter how many people you happen to be around. What is the point in living when happiness is but a memory? How can the sun shine, yet it be so cold? How can you look at me and see a person anymore? I don’t see a person when I look at myself. I see a shell. I see nothing. I feel though. I wish I could stop feeling. I feel pain, hate, anger, sorrow, loneliness, and death. How can you feel death? Trust me, you can. Death feels cold and hot at the same time. Death feels like a million screams breaking your ears. Death feels like a friend, but is really a devious entity. Death can deceive us so well. I am enchanted with it though. I dream about death. I think of it in my most solemn moments. It never leaves my side. Always whispering sweet promises in my ear, if only you could hear what I do. Than you would understand why I can’t stay here and live any longer. Everything is so harsh and bright. It is like a thousand suns blaring at once. My skin melts, and my eyes burn.
It won’t consume me though. It just tortures with its intensity. When I cry no one comforts me because my tears are crimson. They only look away in disgust. My pain matters not to them because it is not what they expect pain to look like. What do you ask do they believe pain looks like? Pain is clear tears running down your cheeks. Pain is shutting oneself away until it doesn’t hurt so much. My pain doesn’t look like that though. My pain shines out from my eyes. My pain is etched on my skin. My pain is the same, but no one can see that truth. I want to be free. I want to live as others do. I want to laugh at nothing, and dance till I drop. I want to talk all night about the silly things that only matter to close friends. I never can though. I’ve seen what life really is, and I can’t escape back to the bliss that ignorance grants. There is nothing left but death for me from this life. Will you cry when I’m gone? Will you ask why when I leave? There is no need for either. I’m not worth pain to you. You are too special for pain. You don’t need to ask why because I have told you. I don’t mind if you call me a coward. I want you to hate me so you will not feel grief. I want you to feel relief and joy at my departure. Knowing me did not make your life better. Death will be my greatest gift to you my love. The only worthwhile thing I ever did in my life. I ask only one thing of you with my passing. One single rose I plead. You ask why? The rose is what I wish I could have been in life. Yes there is pain, but the beauty out shines it all. I’ll never shine. I will only burn. You are an angel. Do what I couldn’t do. Live and shine.