Some pictures of or by Jade

These pictures are in chronological order

21 September, 2003. Jade had become fascinated with body modification
and began stretching the hole in her left earlobe, firstly with knitting
needles and then with anything which would progress the size...

3 June, 2004. Even with her huge burden of emotional pain, she still loved comedy
and couldn't resist a visual joke, the more bizarre, the better :-)

3 June, 2004. Jade was a very sad and troubled girl, and hated everything
about herself, except her eyes. The psychiatric drugs made her gain weight
which only added to her burden.

3 July 2004. A new tattoo would lift her out of depression for a while,
but the dark side would soon return, telling her to fail at everything and die...

28 July 2004. She had begun stretching her right earlobe, but later
fast tracked the procedure by getting her favourite body piercer to
cut it with a scalpel.

21 December 2004. Jade continued to harm herself, as evidenced by
the growing collection of scars on her left arm.

12 January 2005. The year of "Serahlaena", the princess of M'Draea.

12 January 2005. Jade loved her piercings...

05 April 2005

12 April 2005. Exactly one week later and she's still hiding her face.

18 July 2005. Jade was experimenting with version 5.5 of photoshop. She loved lollies!

5 October 2005. A picture Jade took with her phone. She called it "my lovely green eye".	6 October 2005. The first time I saw this, I didn't recognise her :-)
8 December 2005. Christmas was near and Jade was having a long distance affair with a transvestite in South Australia. The relationship eneded and Jade's mental health deserted her. She was admitted to hospital and remained there well into 2006, when she again attempted to take her own life, soon after being released. A letter to him/her Their reasoning behind thinking I was a danger was more because I was in the midst of a rather severe psychotic episode, most likely as a result of not taking my meds consistently in the time leading up to it. When I have psychotic episodes, I have them in the true sense of the word - not the lame, 'psychoses' people say they have to excuse bad behaviour or what not. When I have them, I really don't realise that I am in fact psychotic - to me, I'm completely normal; the thoughts are normal, the behaviours are not only normal, but justified, that I do, in fact, come from another world, another dimension and I am a goddess, that my medications have been tampered with by the hospital in an attempt to harm me, and causing all the physical symptoms I've had for so long. To me, in these episodes, I'm lost in my own world of delusion, paranoia, and power. It doesn't happen often - usually, they keep a very close eye on me and make sure I'm being compliant with treatment. However, with all the health problems being in the foreground, people around me didn't notice what was happening until it was too late - as a result, I was admitted into the psych unit, and put on heavy medications, and observed - a week of anti-psychotics, as well as a new mood stabiliser, did wonders for my health, and now I have my feet planted firmly back on earth. Leading up to the episode, I was getting into a manic-mixed episode-depressed-manic cycle again, so my moods were all over the place. Psychotic breakdowns aren't new to me, which is why I take anti-psychotics every day, as a maintanence therapy, and also as a preventative measure.	I haven't done any serious harm to myself for a long time - and I'm not willing to break that just yet...or ever, for that matter. People look down on self harm, tell me it's revolting, or grotesque, or abnormal. For me, it's been a part of my life since I was two or three. People tell me that I don't need to do it, that I'm 'better' than that - if not for the self harm, and mental illness, I most likely would be an ignorant, arrogant little bitch. These problems have given me an amazing ability to empathise with others, and percieve things from many different point of views. I'm so much more accepting of others because of my expieriences - nothing shocks me, because I've seen, and been through so much. It allows me to see past the outer shell of a person - their illness, deformaties, gender, sexual preference, etc - and into the person who they really are, and who they can be. This would have to be the longest email I have ever typed in my entire history of email use. Wow. I've impressed myself. Like I said - I haven't stopped loving you. I can't just turn off feelings of love like I can a light switch. It doesn't work that way. Partly, because I didn't want to give up on you - second, because of the depth of emotions I feel. Once I feel something, it engrains itself into me forever - I can push it down, go on with life, but those feelings will never leave. I'm not entirely sure you'd want to be with me anyway - I'm hard work, so everyone tells me - I do have psychotic episodes, I do require hospitalisations, I will be on medication for the rest of my life most likely. People don't want to be stuck with others who are that full on. Also - I don't want to be the rebound girl - that would just result in pain again when you find someone close to you, who has better qualities, who can give you what you want, who can accept you more than me...
26 April 2006 Jade submitted an image for a customized ATM card, but I don't remember ever seeing it, so I suspect she never applied for it.

1 July 2006. By now Jade was well on her way to fulfilling her life script:
"Die in a gutter with a needle in your arm". She was regularly injecting
morphine sulphate. Note the similary with 21 June 2007 (below), both taken
in mid winter. Jade's mental health was particularly poor at this time
and greatly improved one year later.

11 March 2007. A grainy phone picture, but it has artistic merit :-).	13 March 2007. Junky Jade in her Cecil St flat
17 March 2007 Harley in the front yard ferns.	Harley in the back yard near Jade's boot
Harley wearing a surgical mask.	Jade and her friends from Clubhouse celebrated her 21st birthday all day and long into the night...

8 June 2007. One year later and Jade had gone through opiate withdrawal,
had a long distance lesbian relationship to help her through another
Christmas with no family, become a speed junky, and gone back to opiates...
Phew! She lived at a fast pace with intense cascading emotions.

21 June 2007. Just before I took this picture, I remember Jade saying, with
intense affection, "Look at this cat..." as Harley rubbed her face and purred.
She was now 21 and her mental health was the best it had been since before her
breakdown, when she was 16. She was on an opiate maintenance program and
anticipating a future without drugs and depression. Unfortunately the suicide
of Hamish sent her into a downward spiral and back into her own personal hell.
She couldn't face another Christmas of disappointment, disconnection and
loneliness, so 2007 was her last year of life.